Visions of a Little Englander

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Once upon a time there was a little Englander called Danny. He had only crossed the treacherous waters which led to Europe once before. He didn’t know what to expect. What treasures and strange peoples would he find in foreign lands?

He decided at the old age of twenty three that he wanted to explore the world and started his ad13 venture with Serbia and Montenegro. With the help of the CDN and a strange band of people called the ‘Prep team’ he flew over vast seas above fluffy white clouds where he searched in vain for angels playing harps.
Once the plane had landed, to Danny’s surprise, he found people spoke a strange language that he couldn’t understand. At first he thought they may be Scottish but then he learned of a language called Serbo-Croatian. As Danny reasoned with this strange phenomenon he decided that it just wasn’t cricket and continued with his long and weary journey.

Upon arriving at the Biogradska Gora National Park, he was dumbfounded by what he saw. There were strange Dutch people jumping into a freezing cold lake. He had never met anyone from the strange lands called the Netherlands before and wondered if they were civil. He immediately searched for a cup of proper tea to calm himself down, but realized there was none! Was this the strange land called Europe he had heard of when he worshipped at the feet of Margaret Thatcher? His journey had only just begun.

As the week passed, the little Englander found that there were people who spoke in many strange tongues. Surely they could not all be Scottish?! At the start of the week he drew alliances with those from Western Europe and started digging a bunker in the event of war. He was resolute in the belief that England would win the war…“Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves” he quietly sang to himself.
Then one night Winston Churchill came to the little Englander in a dream. He told the little Englander that whilst the enemy could be fought “on the seas and oceans… and … in the air”, it was time to gather intelligence about them. Danny decided to learn of these strange people who called themselves ‘European’. The little Englander chose to accept the mission.
Whilst learning about the enemy in an intercultural night he wondered if they were really a threat. The strange Dutch people had blindfolded him in what they called a game, where he attempted to eat biscuits tied to a piece of string. He wondered if the blindfold was really a way of finding out British secrets without his finding out.
“Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves” he sang to himself thinking of his English flag hanging outside his bungalow door. There’ll always be an England.

However, as the week passed further, the little Englander began to realise that the ‘Europeans’ were very friendly. He was shocked to find out that the salsa dance which he had danced to so many times before was NOT British. A Bulgarian had taught him some of the Spanish dance. He couldn’t understand what was happening. He had seen the arguments in the EU and the UN and thought that British people were on the planet to disagree with everything the rest of Europe wanted. He wondered if he was letting his country down. Would Winston be ashamed of him?
Songs and stories at a nightly campfire saw the little Englander make friends with the ‘Europeans’. Even the eastern Europeans seemed friendly. Everyone got on well.
He wondered if these were really politicians. Surely politicians weren’t
supposed to agree on anything. They weren’t supposed to be friends!
At the end of the week, Winston Churchill came to the little Englander
again in a dream. He told him that Britain must win the war
and that the little Englander’s country needed him. He must “Attack!
Attack! Attack!” Danny however had grown to like the Europeans.
Even the strange Dutch who swam in freezing cold water were nice.
Danny spoke to Winston Churchill and told him that he had smoked
Comrades? France, Germany, Britain too many Cigars. Just what was in those Cigars? He told him that
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Britain needed to wake up to the reality that it was part of Europe.
The little Englander had enjoyed his time in the strange lands of Serbia and Montenegro and had
made many new interesting friends. There was still one last thing which needed to be done though.
There was one act of patriotism still unfulfilled. As everyone waited at the railway station about to
leave the strange lands, the little Englander decided he had to show the Europeans how to play
football. England had created the beautiful game and the little Englander wore the country’s colours
with honour as he turned and shot, breaking his ankle in the process.
At the start of the week, Danny was a little Englander who flew to far out lands. At the end of the
week Danny was a European who hopped all the way back.

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